Sudden, too sudden..
Every day's a day of thrash about. A struggle I've been to. Neither once, nor twice but many times. It wasn't something I ever really got used to. So many times, this same thing had me captive. The shackles swathe firmly, clogging every blood cell running through my veins. No show of giving up--ever.
And now, seeing myself imprisoned once more in a top-security detention, vulnerable, helpless, unaided, I STILL don't know how to deal with it exactly. Have I not had my fair share of this?
Much thoughts of liberating myself clouded my mind. Like a thick smog inching leisurely, disseminating its self in the tranquil scenery of a horizon.
Should I just sit here, do nothing and let it get into me? Or stand up, break the shackles and run away? It seemed improbably inevitable. Like I truly was marked for pain. I'd get away time and time again, but poof! Presence of it, I see, coming back for me.
I've realized it's just the way things work out. I chose to run away but of a different shade. I'm standing up and running not away, but towards it. Reckless, yes. But what the heck? If it is for my betterment and resiliency, then, surely! No doubt, I'll bet my life on it.
I've once read this on one of Stephenie Meyer's novels--
"You could run from someone you feared, you could try to fight someone you hated. All my reactions were geared towards those kind of killers--the monsters, the enemies.
When you loved th one who was killing you, it left you no options. How could you run, how could you fight, when doing so would hurt that beloved one? If your life was all you had to give your beloved one, how could you not give it? If it was someone you truly love?"
Deep words. Reading through it, I have thought of one person...
This passed week, I've been straight down to hell, even having tea with Satan--it is THAT worst. Cognitive dissonance is at work, edging its way from my brain down to my littlest finger. Each choice has its equally important grounds that I should definitely take into consideration. Will it be just for saving myself from much pain? OR saving the person from a different pain as well as my own?
I'm afraid I've reached my limits, end of the line. Though luckily, I still have my sanity intact but looking intently to my actions lately, I must say, I've been a total jerk.
The change was abrupt, so abrupt that I saw at the back of my mind, him running chasing after me, thirsty for explanations. I've indirectly hurt him. Seeing that,mind you, I am also hurting.
How come I had to be like this? So harsh, leaving things hanging and not elucidating what's going on? One answer...
I've been way too GENEROUS.
Every day's a day of thrash about. A struggle I've been to. Neither once, nor twice but many times. It wasn't something I ever really got used to. So many times, this same thing had me captive. The shackles swathe firmly, clogging every blood cell running through my veins. No show of giving up--ever.
And now, seeing myself imprisoned once more in a top-security detention, vulnerable, helpless, unaided, I STILL don't know how to deal with it exactly. Have I not had my fair share of this?
Much thoughts of liberating myself clouded my mind. Like a thick smog inching leisurely, disseminating its self in the tranquil scenery of a horizon.
Should I just sit here, do nothing and let it get into me? Or stand up, break the shackles and run away? It seemed improbably inevitable. Like I truly was marked for pain. I'd get away time and time again, but poof! Presence of it, I see, coming back for me.
I've realized it's just the way things work out. I chose to run away but of a different shade. I'm standing up and running not away, but towards it. Reckless, yes. But what the heck? If it is for my betterment and resiliency, then, surely! No doubt, I'll bet my life on it.
I've once read this on one of Stephenie Meyer's novels--
"You could run from someone you feared, you could try to fight someone you hated. All my reactions were geared towards those kind of killers--the monsters, the enemies.
When you loved th one who was killing you, it left you no options. How could you run, how could you fight, when doing so would hurt that beloved one? If your life was all you had to give your beloved one, how could you not give it? If it was someone you truly love?"
Deep words. Reading through it, I have thought of one person...
This passed week, I've been straight down to hell, even having tea with Satan--it is THAT worst. Cognitive dissonance is at work, edging its way from my brain down to my littlest finger. Each choice has its equally important grounds that I should definitely take into consideration. Will it be just for saving myself from much pain? OR saving the person from a different pain as well as my own?
I'm afraid I've reached my limits, end of the line. Though luckily, I still have my sanity intact but looking intently to my actions lately, I must say, I've been a total jerk.
The change was abrupt, so abrupt that I saw at the back of my mind, him running chasing after me, thirsty for explanations. I've indirectly hurt him. Seeing that,mind you, I am also hurting.
How come I had to be like this? So harsh, leaving things hanging and not elucidating what's going on? One answer...
I've been way too GENEROUS.
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